I go to bed, I just want to sleep.
I don’t want to face him. But he’s there.
I try ignore him, but he whispers in my ear “I will kill you”.
He means it.

I shake my head angrily, trying to get him away.
Once again he controls me. Making me do things I do not want to do.
I can now sleep.

The sun rises, I face another day with him.
He hasn’t left, he’s watching my every move.
Controlling my life. What I do, what I think, how I react.
He once even made me beg and plead. I prayed to a God I do not believe in.
I just wanted it to stop. Him to go away.

I am constantly alert and on guard.
For fear of his threats.
What will he make me do next?
He’s toxic.

I’ve tried to escape him, believe me I have.
I’m still trying.
Currently he is stopping me from leaving.
Threatening me with this and that, so that I end up staying.
Fearing for my life and those around me.

The door is unlocked I just need to walk out.
One day, I will.

Sounds horrific doesn’t it? How can one person do that to another?
Except this isn’t how you have perceived it.
There is only one person in this relationship – if you can call it that.
And that’s me. “He” you ask? “He” the one who controls me, my life. He’s my OCD.

© Nikita Lola Roberts