I despise January and February. I have for a while and for reasons unknown to many but still, I just don’t like those two months. However, this year I strangely feel happy this month. I don’t know what it may be or why but I am not complaining at that.
If any of you know me personally or watched My Extreme OCD Life on Channel 5 you’d know that I struggle to throw things away as to me that means I am throwing part of my memories away and my memories are part of my life.
I am not going to lie but on the episode I do bag some clothes up to get rid of. The whole bag didn’t go. I went back and pulled stuff out and I always disappoint myself with this because I feel I am taking a step back. I view it as I am climbing a big hill to reach the pot of gold but just before I can touch it I roll back down the hill and have to start climbing again.
Today I was having a typical ‘lazy Sunday’ with my mum, we caught up on programmes we have missed, we’ve talked, laughed and had many cups of tea. As the day flowed nicely I spontaneously decided to have a tidy in my bedroom but instead of tidying I found myself bagging up clothes to go. For the first time I actually had zero feeling whatsoever, I just looked at each item and was like “don’t like”, “won’t wear”, “why have I still got this?” and just piled up on the ‘to go’ pile without even thinking anything else. That kinda shocked me but at the same time I am so chuffed with myself!
I think in the moment of being spontaneous my mind actually decided to think logically on its own. That sounds kinda strange doesn’t it? But I mean my mind told me things I never really thought of…. such as why hold onto clothes for memories? I mean don’t get me wrong some I have kept for that reason just not EVERYTHING. I thought of things like how it takes up wardrobe space when I could use that space for much more beneficial things, I keep stuff with the intention to “wear it again” but then when it comes to it I never wear it. I don’t have the space for new items but if I am not wearing the old what is the point in keeping it?
Just because I am choosing to get rid of these clothes doesn’t mean I am throwing my memories away because no doubt there will be photos of me wearing some, and if not my memories are always in my mind. If I do forget about some pieces that doesn’t mean I don’t care it just means they were obviously less important to me. I need space in my mind for more happy memories and by throwing things out clears space in reality and space in my mind.
I just need to stick at this and remember this for every time I want a clear out because for once my mind was on my side and it felt great!