It is 10:24pm. I am relaxed on the sofa watching the end of some documentary on the television. There’s a loud bang outside. My heart starts to pound against my chest. What was that? I instantly start thinking the worst but rest assured, it is probably just a car door slamming. Panic over.
There’s a knock at the door, not just a quiet little knock but a hard beat against it. Over and over. Mum goes to answer it, I tell her not to but she goes anyway because the dogs are frantically barking. I’m now in the living room, unable to hear anything because of the barking and wondering – who is it at this time?
There’s an almighty crash and a scream. Mum?! What on earth is happening?! I can hear people stomping around and lots of aggressive shouting. I swear I just heard a gunshot. I can’t hear my mum. I’m trapped in the living room. My heart is beating so hard it feels like it might come out of my chest.
I’m going to die.
I gather up my two dogs, begging and praying for them to be quiet so it doesn’t make things worse. I scan the small room frantically looking for somewhere to hide but all I want is my mum. Is she okay?! Within seconds the living room door bursts open and all I can see are people with their faces covered they order me to get on the floor. I can see mum’s feet near the doorframe. “Mum?” I manage to whimper. I’m yelled at to not speak ‘or else’. Mum mouths she is okay but to do as they say. I’m terrified. They plugged our iron in. My eyes flicker around – what are they doing?
They explained that if anyone disobeys that they would tape the iron onto us, burning our skin to the bone and we wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. They even threatened the dogs. Tormenting them making them cower in the corner.
I am so extremely terrified I need to keep us all safe.
So I will just re-count the corner of the ceilings 4 more times, or until it feels safe to stop. Then I can sleep and this horrible intrusive thought will go away. Or at least until the morning when a new day will bring new thoughts and what they may be I do not know.
If you have read up until here then let me tell you that this is one of the horrible extreme thoughts I have had before going to sleep. I genuinely believe that this will happen if I don’t re-do something, or do a ritual a further few times. I decided to write it this way so that when you start to read you are unaware if this really happened but it seems very realistic. Well that is how it feels for me. Very realistic.
OCD is cruel. These thoughts can be so extreme it is scary to think I can visual such terrible things, but even scarier to believe it will happen if I don’t do something about it.
Thanks for reading.