(Trigger warning: pet bereavement)
It comes as no surprise that I am doing a blog post to sum up the year, can we even call it a ‘proper’ year? Probably not.
As many of you know I don’t really like New Year, I don’t really see the point in it and whatever I want to change within my life I will make a start pronto and not wait until 1st Jan because…. well why wait?
2021 was the year for me in which I tried to get back to some normality but at the same time not being too overly confident about doing so. My gym journey hit a very large rock and well I think the least said about that the better haha! Although I do have my very own RPM bike now which is going to be an absolute saviour for me! Especially on the times that I don’t feel confident in going to the gym.
I think what totally destroyed my year and left me utterly heartbroken was the loss of my baby boy (my dog) Max. I had Max for over half my life! He was more than just a pet, a dog, he was my pal, my bestie. Having never had dogs before it was a very hard hitting moment on the day we lost him. I have two dogs, Max and Billy. Both Yorkshire Terriers and both full of such characters and personalities. I was 12 when we got Max and Billy came a couple of years later. I had just got back from an overnight school trip and I remember racing to the car to blurt out about my adventures away – but before I got chance there he was. Sat in a burgundy plastic box with his head popping out looking at me in the footwell of the car. I couldn’t believe that we had actually got a dog! Although I was absolutely terrified of him (lol) I fell in love with him instantly. He was a wild little thing, I never dare lay on the floor cos I knew he’d jump all over me. It didn’t take me long to be brave around him and we became absolutely inseparable ever since. Best friends forever.
He was (as is Billy) my whole world. I loved him to pieces. He was such a funny boy, such a character and such a demanding lil bugger but I adored every bit of him. As he got older I refused to even believe that one day could be the end, he couldn’t ever leave because we were besties – he had me wrapped around his little finger, he gave me so much love, he cuddled me when I was unwell, licked my tears when I was sad, would have angry drinks when I would leave the house and go absolutely wild when I would tell him I was staying at home and not going out.
I owe that little fluffy boy so much, he was there for me when times were extremely tough, he was there for me at times I was in the wrong, he was there for me when I was struggling. He was just Max. My barking little boy.
I think those who don’t get the upset after a pet bereavement haven’t really ever experienced it, that or they are extremely hard because gosh it has truly broken me. He wasn’t just a dog, he was family.
I will probably dedicate a whole post to him when the time is right, but for now this is hard enough to write.
My heart goes to Billy for losing his big bro, he was completely lost but he has coped oh so well I am so proud of him. I never thought I would ever witness him becoming independent himself, but the tough guy has cracked it and it brings a smile to my face that he is now doing things Max used to do, which I truly believe he knew how to do all along but was just letting Max do all the hard graft! We gave him a towel that Max had rubbed himself all over after a really rainy walk and he’s hidden it under his bed which melts my heart.
I guess you can say I am still grieving, I can’t get over that day and I can’t get over the flashbacks either. I knew when the time happened it would hurt but hell I didn’t know it would hurt this badly. After the loss of Max I think I drew a line over my 2021 – nothing else seemed to matter apart from Billy obviously and my close family and friends.
Update on Sissy & One: My word. What can I say here?! Truly blown away by all the support, love and wonderful customers that I have received this year. This year was the first year I took Sissy & One to craft markets and fairs and I have loved every single second of it! Putting my brand out there for people to see face to face is just an incredible experience and such an achievement. I won’t lie I am really proud of myself for that. Aside from just Etsy and markets Sissy & One also has a little space in a shop in Hull which I am also equally just as proud of. Big things happened for S&O, achievements were made, goals accomplished and well I’m just super excited to see where 2022 takes this little empire of mine.
Update on the OCD stuff: I mean there isn’t much to say really, it heightened more after Max because it is a bitch like that. I have completed so much of the ‘making tea’ routine there’s just the last step to go and I did, however, make a start on that this month. I can make it all properly up until removing the cups from the worktop and then the tapping begins. Twice I have managed to not do it. I know that isn’t much, but it is a start right? I’m hoping I can really get my head stuck into it now things have calmed down slightly with the festive period. One really good thing that I feel is going to help me a lot (and it has already tbh!) is I am now an official volunteer for OCD Action. I felt like I wanted to do something that meant I could give something back. Originally I only intended on doing a small bit but the more I talked to the team the more I wanted to do and the more I felt so at ease and welcome – I am part of the Always Better Together team and I can hand on heart say what an incredible bunch of people to work alongside with. They’ve made me feel so included, supported me and complimented my efforts (they even sent me a birthday and Christmas card!). All these things they didn’t need to do, but they did. I feel appreciated and that means a lot to me. I have 3 different roles with them, and each one I really enjoy doing and I do believe it is actually doing me some good too! Which is always a bonus!
Right, bit of a lengthy one for me this (no surprises there haha!) I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas and here is hoping for a happier and healthier new year. I’ll leave you with this one piece of small advice from me: if you are going to change anything this year, change it for you and only you.